it's past 12 midnight and i can't sleep

I don't know what is wrong with me, I can't sleep. I laid in bed for more than an hour, and sleep is just not coming. I thought I might write you girls something, there is something amusing about writing in my blog, it is a way for me to share things I won't share in real life, you know, because I know nobody will no me here, and I am careful not to expose myself, so it is like this forbidden act I am doing, it is a bit scary at times, but I like it.

I am going to tell you today about how I met with my love, we will call him Ahmed, I do not want to use his real name, I am afraid people will just know me or him, and then, something not nice might happen, you know, this is shithole Oman afterall.

It was on that one day when I was out with my girlfriend Mariam (not her real name, you know why, right?). Mariam and I are both the same age, but after we finished thanawiya, Mariam decided not to try college, she did not do well, and her father is kind of rich, so she thought she might as well stay pretty at home and wait for her charming prince to come. I am not doing like Mariam, but I understand why she would do that, it is very practical, and really, why would she ever need to work, the nice thing about being a girl in Oman is that you know you can get married to some rich, and he will spend on you, and all you have to do is shop when he is at work, and stay with him when he comes back from work. Mariam and I discussed this once, and I hate to admit that I agree with her at times and wonder why I am ever wasting my time at universities. I think that I am doing it because of my Mom. I will tell you about my Mom another day, she is a whole other story.

Elmuhim, I was out shopping with Mariam the other day, she picked me up from our house and went to city center, and while we were there we bumped into her cousin Ahmed. Cousin relationships in Oman vary, some cousins are like complete strangers and others as so close to you they are like your brothers. Ahmed and Mariam are very close like that, they treat each other like brother and sister, so he stopped us when we were at walking infront of costa in city center, said hi to Mariam and to me, we did not know each other's name at that time, but you know when you see someone and you feel like you have known from before? that's how I felt with Ahmed. He finished his hellos, smiled, stole my heard, and then left us.

I could not stop thinking about him for the rest of that day. Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed. For those of you that never fell in love before, you might not know how it feels to fall in love with someone, I KNEW THAT THERE IS CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US. I KNOW IT.

I was too embarrassed to tell Mariam what I felt about her cousin, but I did ask her who he was, what he did in life and stuff like that, I even joked about her one day ending up with him, you know, cousins and stuff, but she rubbed it off saying that she does not do relatives, which I knew of course, but I thought that I will confirm that just to make sure that I will no be competing for Ahmed again someone I know.

I had to get his number somehow, but I just couldn't ask Mariam to give it to me, no matter how close you are with a girl in Oman, you cannot trust her on things like these, we girls know each other, she will think that I am a whore and will bitch about me to our other girlfriends, I love Mariam, but I know our gang way too well. Luckily on our way back, Mariam thought that she'll stop at a Select to get some stuff, she got out of the car with her bag with her but forgot to take her phone! Once she got into the shop I instantly grabbed it, searched for Ahmed's name and copied the number to my phone!! I put the phone back, but it felt really weird afterwards, even though i don't think that i took something really special, i really felt awkward, i was not cheating Mariam, i did not steal anything from her, she still has the number on her phone, and i know that Ahmed would have liked to talk with me anyway. i rubbed that idea off my mind, checked my self in the little car mirror and waited for Mariam to get back. I was dying for her to drop me back home, which she eventually did, and i couldn't wait to get back to my room to use the number I just got...

GIRLS, I will tell you what I did next tomorrow, it is getting really late and I can't afford not to go to college tomorrow. This timer thing in my blog is weird, it says 1.39pm, but is past 1am here. I will look into it later. BYE AND GOOD NIGHT. HUGS AND KISSES.

boys & girls: i think that i'm in love

sorry for the previous sad post, i am actually feeling calm and alive, i think that i'm in love.... there is this guy that i met the other day, i love his smile, i love his voice, i love his eyes, i love everything about him, but really, just his smile, i swear i feel like i'm in heaven, and it feels so warm inside...

i can't think of any technical reason why i love this person, but he makes me happy and i can't think of anything but him these days, i fall asleep dreaming of him, and the first thing i check when i get up in the morning is my phone expecting to get a message from him.. he does not do that often though, and i get a little bit dissapointment, but i love him so much and i can understand that he might busy at times... I WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when somebody gets lost

last week I saw an advertisement on the newspaper about a girl that got lost... this happens even in the most boring of places, oman... i thought that this only happens in places like american and canada, stuff we see in movies and read about in little novels, i never thought that somebody might dissappear here in oman...

it really hurt me when i saw that advertisement, it was a girl a bit younger than me, she was seventeen, she went out one day and never came back... i tried to imagine how the mother of this girl would feel, how did she manage to sleep that night when her daughter never got back home, how did she manage to sleep the next day and the one after, and the one after... it is really scary and sad... i wonder if they will ever find that girl again, what happened to her, did she run with a lover, was she abducted, raped, and then killed, or was it a hit and run accident...'

at times, i think of the weirdest little things, what happens to the girls bedroom, will it be left ready for her to come back, how long would it take for the family to realise that she might never come back... i always wondered what happens to the stuff belonging to somebody who dies, who takes them, what do they do with them?....

Religious Freaks at College

i am sick and tired of those stupidly religious people in my college.. we all know you are religious and stuff, we all studied the same islamic book, so you do not need to tell me what to do and want not to do, i obviously know what is wrong and what is right and made up my mind and i do what i do because this is what i believe me...

the story is that i always like to show up this fringe of my hair while i put my scarf, i do not think that it is strange, everybody does it, my father and mother do not mind it, but this stupid freak in college who likes to wear an ugly short dishdasha thinks that it is somehow his problem and that he needs to share his opinion with me, so while i was walking with my girls in the corridor, he walked by us and said, "every hair for a flaming charcoal in hell"!! i do not know what makes him think that he is good enough to judge me or tell that i am going to go to hell, does the idiot think that because he grows an ugly beard and wears a short dishadasha he will go to heaven?! i think that i am a very nice person, all my friends like me, they always call me, they always come over to my place and come shopping me with me, i care about my sister and try to be nice to her even though i think that she is stupid, i love my father and mother and i really do not think that god will send me to hell just because i like to show a bit of hair, god is not that unfair, god understands how i feel inside and he konws that i am a good person in the heart... i really hate that religious idiot, and if i end up going to hell, i will be glad to be there jus because he will not be with me... i hate you!

marriage in the 21st centuray

i think that we live in a very stupid society, i do not know how they xpect me 2 to get married to some1 i have not spoken to or seen in my life b4 getting married 2 that person. am i xpected to sit at home and just wait 4 *my fate* 2 come and get me?!

what are the chances of a girl that nobody knows she is a live of getting married?!

many of hte girlz in our society 2day realise this issue and know that they have to take an *active* role to look for their future partner, it is necessary for us to know what is out there and have *options* to pick from.

i mean, if you buy a freaking car you have to take it for a test drive, how about a lifelong husband?